Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year but for separated parents, it can also be one of the most stressful when emotions are running high, routines are disrupted and disagreements over festive arrangements can quickly escalate.
Co-parenting is the practice of separated or divorced parents working together to raise their children in a co-operative, respectful, and child-focused way. It involves joint decision-making, consistent communication, and a commitment to putting the child’s needs above their own. Co-parenting is encouraged by courts and professionals to reduce conflict and promote the welfare of the child. In reality, even where there is a court order in place this cannot deal with everything in a child’s life, and so co-parenting will have to take place.
Of course, some safeguarding factors may make certain aspects of co-parenting difficult or unsafe and the involvement of a third party or the court may be necessary.
Benefits of co-parenting
Stability for children:
Children thrive on stability and consistent routines help to reassure the children that both parents are involved in their lives, reducing anxiety and helping children to adjust to family changes.
Reduced conflict:
Positive co-parenting helps to reduce conflict and disputes which benefits not only children but also the parents.
Successful co-parenting helps the children feel loved and supported without feeling like they are caught in the middle.
Practical tips for co-parenting at Christmas
Plan early:
Avoid leaving planning until December. Early discussions between parents allow time for any disagreements to be resolved and avoid any last-minute stress. Early discussions might include travel arrangements and handover logistics. This also means children can be properly prepared for the plan.
Keep it child focussed:
Christmas should be about creating happy memories for your children and not about ‘winning’ more time or competing with the other parent. Encourage your children to enjoy time with both parents and remind them that they can be excited about celebrating with the other parent. This small gesture can send a powerful message of respect and co-operation to the other parent which the children will pick up on. It is often helpful for the parent the children are leaving to drop them at the home of the other parent to demonstrate they are giving emotional permission for the transition.
Be flexible:
Parents should consider alternating Christmas Day each year. Flexibility shows good will towards the other parent and helps to build trust, both of which will improve the children’s well-being.
Use a shared calendar:
Use tools like Our Family Wizard or App Close to help keep track of key agreed dates. This will reduce confusion and help both parents stay organised. These apps also have tone meters and can help in ensuring that the communication is constructive.
Keep communication respectful:
When emotions are running high, communication can break down and can end in conflict. Co-parenting apps are designed to keep messages clear and neutral. Parents should aim to keep their communication polite and child-focussed and avoid bringing up previous disagreements.
What if you can’t agree?
Despite best efforts, sometimes parents cannot agree on arrangements for Christmas and if this happens, there are options to help find a resolution.
Use of a parenting coach:
A parenting coach may be able to assist parents to reach a resolution of practical child arrangements.
Mediation:
A mediator is a neutral third-party who can help parents communicate to find common ground in a calm and structured setting. It is less-stressful and more child-focussed than court proceedings. The mediator does not impose an agreement but aims to facilitate one. Some mediators are trained to undertake child inclusive mediation.
Legal advice:
If mediation is not successful, legal advice can help parents to explore possible solutions and help parents to understand what a court would consider to be fair and reasonable. It may also be useful to have legal advice alongside mediation.
Arbitration:
The Children Scheme enables an arbitrator agreed to by the parties to make a decision about the child arrangements or a specific issue. This is a binding decision and may be appealed in the same way as a decision made by a judge in court. Arbitration may often be much quicker and cheaper than going to court. If there are safeguarding issues, then the case is likely to be unsuitable for arbitration.
Co-parenting isn’t always easy, but it is one of the most important ways in which separated parents can support their children’s well-being. With early planning and mutual respect, parents can ensure that the festive season is full of joy for the children.
If you would like to understand more about co-parenting and obtain specialist legal advice, please contact a member of our Family team.
Useful Resources
Co-parenting after separation – Parenting through separation (Resolution)
Parenting plan – Guidance and template from Cafcass
Mediation – Family mediation explained (Resolution)
Arbitration – How arbitration works (Resolution)
Key Contacts
The content of this article is for general information only. It is not, and should not be taken as, legal advice. If you require any further information in relation to this article please contact the author in the first instance. Law covered as at November 2025.